‘Oh give him here!’
Have you thought about how your own instinctive behaviour will affect your success?
In his book ‘Never Split the Difference’, which draws on his time as a hostage negotiator, Chris Voss outlines three main negotiation styles.
Being aware of what you bring to the party is absolutely necessary for success – but most of us are not aware. To build successfully on our strengths, and minimise the impact of our weaknesses, we need to acknowledge our ‘style’ first…
As you think about this list you’ll most likely find that you are a mix of these types. To be truly effective, you need elements of all three.
ANALYST This is the person with the data-driven, intellectual approach. Probably least likely to be engaging with animals, actually, since animals are irrational and therefore unsatisfying to the strong analyst. Where the analyst IS on the end of a lead-rope, he’s most likely to be anthropomorphising. His strength is that he will be prepared to think theoretically about a problem – but by remaining distant and reserved, he can fail to earn the engagement and trust of the animal at the other end.
ASSERTIVE You’ll meet this person everywhere around horses. He’s strong, and ‘no-nonsense’. He gets the job done. The great thing about a mainly assertive person is that his horses know where they stand – he’s clear and direct. The down-side is that he’s much keener on talking than listening, which means he can miss subtle signs of an amber light. In fact, he’d pride himself on overcoming it and achieving a short term goal. His failure to listen, however, can likely cause a shift to red – in the form of dangerous outburst, injury, or disconnection. After initial success, the assertive type can come up against seemingly unrelated blocks longer term.
ACCOMMODATOR Strong accommodators also really love their horses, and spend a load of time building relationship. They already have the goal of a green light, and they will be the ones giving out carrots before their horse has done anything beyond be within reach. The strength of the strong accommodator is that he is likeable and does listen; the downside is that he is likely to spend a lot of time being understanding but getting nowhere, and he may not even be clear in what he is asking for, which confuses the horse. Over time, the accommodator gets disheartened by his failure to move on.
The Assertive loves to ‘help’ the Accommodator during this exchange, by taking the horse from him and ‘sorting it out’. It jumps the jump, or goes in the trailer (this time). As a result, the accommodator retreats into a place where he no longer tries to move forwards (certainly not in public or consistently) Or he pretends to be assertive, using tactics that he’s not comfortable with and causing more unhappiness and confusion all round. To be great, you need to be authentic, so start there.