Don’t treat others as you would like to be treated; treat them the way THEY NEED to be treated.
You’re probably not going to be in a hostage negotiation.
But dealing with horses, you are very likely to be in a heightened and very time-sensitive situation that could have life-threatening consequences.
So knowing how you are likely to react instinctively in that moment can let you pre-load with the strategies to maximise your effectiveness.
Are you too much an ANALYST? You’re going to need to roll up your sleeves and get in there, exposed. So you need to control where ‘there’ is. You need to hang out with your horse in a situation that doesn’t require much planning, so that you can just watch him and interact with him until you feel the relationship in the moment. Go where the stakes are low – perhaps stay around while he’s eating his hay, or spend longer brushing him, or go for a walk with him in a headcollar and occasionally stop to graze. Set up a situation where no work or strategy is necessary, and in that safe harbour trust your intuition. If it’s a hot, sunny day, so much the better.
Are you too much an ASSERTIVE? Remember that when the game is on, you are going to be too strong, too fast, and too loud. Look for the first sign of resistance, and interpret it as a piece of communication rather than a challenge to your dominance and self-esteem. Pride yourself on listening, which will let you refocus your strength to be used at the most productive moment. Crucially, stop yourself from pushing through every moment of stillness. ‘I need a minute’ is a legitimate response to your move. Play the long game.
Are you too much an ACCOMMODATOR? If you’re not saying anything comprehensible, your horse has nothing to listen to. If you never stop the chatter, your horse won’t seek the reward of a ‘well done’. He’ll seem rude, when in fact he is just tuned out. So you need him listening to you, but not afraid. You need your move to be clear, reasonable and understood, and at first it’ll be most successful if it’s also pretty much predictable. That gives you the opportunity to set up the new framework in which you build on great rapport to a relationship where you get to guide events and be the leader. Give him something to respond to.